21 years young. Finding my path in life, learning to live for myself. This is my journey :)
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here, not that I have followers who want to read. However, I’m hoping this will help me be more accountable. My mom shared with me something she learned in counseling. She said, “I’m never saying ‘I’m starting now’ ever again.” This struck a chord in me. Every time I say, “I’m going to eat healthier starting now or I’m going to exercise everyday starting now” I end up failing. It makes it feel even more like a failure because I am putting a start and stop time to it. I can’t do that anymore. I’m tired of failing, I’m tired of making excuses. There are no more excuses.
So from this point on everyday will be a choice. Every meal I will either decide to eat the food I know will benefit me, or eat the food that continues to cause a decline in my health. I will choose to make time to run or not to run. I will make decisions that will put my happiness before others, or I will put everyone else’s needs before my own. This isn’t just a food and exercise overhaul, it’s a life overhaul. Too often I’m putting myself and my own wants/needs on the back burner. I can’t do it anymore.
I do like running. It’s one of the things that gets all of my frustrations out, makes me feel happier, and makes me feel accomplished. Whether it’s one mile or five miles, I know at the end that I’ve used my body in ways it was meant to be used. I have a goal. I want to run the Disney World Marathon. 2015. This will happen for me, but the only way for it to be reality is for me to make the right choices. Everyday may not be good, but I will not beat myself up for that. This is your life Stephanie. Welcome to it. Start living it :)
I’m getting pretty good at avoiding mirrors. Or at least not looking at anything below my neckline. It’s amazing how my motivation and self-esteem bottomed out so swiftly. All at once I was back at the beginning, fighting the everyday back and forth battle of “do it now vs. why change.” This time, though, it is time. Who lives their life this way? Who refuses to look at themselves, refuses to take pictures, refuses to swim in their own brand new pool, only lets people see certain parts of themselves? Not me. Not anymore. I love myself. And my body. All of my being, every part of me is beautiful. I’m beautiful. I’M BEAUTIFUL DAMN IT.
I know that it won’t happen overnight. It took years to gain all of this weight, it will take time to get rid of it. I don’t want to worry about my health right now. I don’t want to have to focus on my blood pressure, or my heart, or any of the issues associated with my being overweight. It’s time to be healthy for me. Screw everyone else’s reasons. I only want to enhance my life for me.
It’s the beginning of a new era. The ME ERA. And it’s going to rock.
Let’s do this life, it’s me and you.
A feeling I’m becoming familiar with. I thought starting Phase Two of JMBR again would be the kick in the pants I needed. And for this week, I did really well. I added cardio on the elliptical three times instead of just two, I did all of the JMBR workouts HARD and tried not to skip too many reps. And more importantly, I ate well. This weekend was a bust because I went on an unexpected camping trip with my best friend and his family. I still did my strength on Friday, but skipped cardio on Saturday. Eating well flew out the window between Bahama Mama’s, pie iron pizzas, peanut butter pie, Miller Lite. I didn’t exercise my ability to say no. That all being said, I still thought I burned more calories than what I consumed over the weekend…and yet…no weight loss. Not gain, but no loss. I am not all about losing “pounds” as I am abut being healthier and shaping my body into what I know it can be, but DAMN. I want to think that it’s because I am gaining more muscle. For the first time ever I am doing more strength than cardio. Perhaps that is the case, but I wish I coud see this new muscle.
Discouraging. I’m trying to shake it. I’m going to do JMBR and cardio tonight. Planned my meals for the week already. Forging ahead. New week, new mindset. I’m ok. I can do this.
I figure this is the best place to vent. Even though I still don’t have a follower base to back me up…still better to get it off my chest.
I have been seriously slacking with this whole change. It’s not that I don’t want to be healthy and that I don’t try, but as soon as I get around my “boyfriend”, for lack of a better label, all bets are off. I eat well during the week, I try my damndest to get my workouts in and give my all, but then come the weekend and time to see him I gorge and indulge like crazy. So end up not getting the results I know I’m capable of.
So it’s time to cut the shit. I’m tired of starting over because I quit. I’m tired of being unhappy with my lifestyle. I’m tired of saying I’m doing it and then giving up. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF IT.
Here’s my vow. Starting now, total lifestyle change. I mean complete overhaul. I’m going to restart Phase Two of Jillian Michael’s Body Revolution, only because I think Phase One wouldn’t produce anymore. I’m going to add in the cardio DVD also on all days I do strength, then run for my cardio only days. I have to do this. Its time to do this. Time to exercise my ability to be healthy. I know how and I know I can, I did it before. So let’s do it again. Come on Stephanie, get your act together and start living the healthy life you know you’re capable of!!
Yeah, I said wowee. Started workout 7 in Phase Two of JMBR……holy s***! I was so unprepared for the degree of hardness. Definitely stepped up the game with this one. I was face first on the floor by the end. Starting out, I had to do a lot of the “modifications” that made it easier. I’m ok with that because the process has been that I start out giving my all with the easy modifications then gaining the strength to do the regular move and then the modification to make it harder. Progress is progress, even if I go slower. By the end of Phase Two I’m going to make a decision to either continue on to Phase Three or repeat Phase Two and gain some more strength and garner some better results.
Replaced my usual lunch with a “mexican” style salad for the week. Romaine, black beans, avocado, red onion, and salsa as dressing. Getting in my veggies! And beans! It’s truly delicious.
Plan for tomorrow:
Lots of homework to accomplish by the end of tomorrow. Gotta love being a college kid….except, not so much.
You did me good Monday :)
That’s my new mantra. At least for days like this. I always pile myself under a heap of guilt when I don’t workout first thing in the morning. It’s not that I’m not up and out of bed. I actually went to bed on time, woke up feeling alright. Sometimes I think the overwhelming pressure of working out in the morning is what makes me dread getting up. I’m not sure who I think is putting this pressure on me (that’s a lie, it’s myself), but it’s kind of, ya know, DUMB. Just because my workout doesn’t happen before the sun comes up doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. I have to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I work just as hard, if not harder, during my workout when it’s later in the day. I think I even have more energy and more motivation to kick my own ass. So, in summary, no more guilt over not working out in the morning. I want to feel good about my workouts, not dread them.
All of that being said, today is a beautiful day! After class I will eat some lunch (thanks mom for pre-“pattying” some hamburger), get my fitness on, finish up homework, and hit the library to find some good reads. I should also add to that list FIND A FREAKING JOB.
Here we go Tuesday, show me what you got :)
Another proud morning. Got myself out of bed at 7 to workout. I am breaking up my breakfast on days that I workout in the morning. This way, I’m not working on an empty stomach. Toast with half an avocado and hot sauce before the workout, and turkey bacon with cereal and milk after. Sunds pretty good to me! I’ve been giving my all this week to my workouts and it is making me VERY sore…I love it :) Plan for the rest of today:
How ya doin’ Friday? Let’s get going!
Sometimes I feel as though I’m supposed to be guilty if I don’t wake up early in the morning to get my workout in. It doesn’t matter if it’s 7 AM or 7 PM, it matters that I DO it. And I did. I showed up for my workout today. I dug deep and made myself do it, and I couldn’t be happier. I never feel bad about a workout. Phase 2 is already making me feel stronger than I ever have. I really feel my body starting to change…finally.
Starting today I’m going to work on my sleeping habits/patterns. I read an article that had great tips on improving sleep and creating a schedule. I am starting by logging my sleep for the next week. Writing down when I lay down to go to bed, when I actually fall asleep, and anytime I wake up in the middle of the night. I think this will really help me see if I just need a better sleep schedule or if I actually have a sleep disorder. The biggest change I need to make - NO NAPPING. I nap for two-three hours on my days off. No more of that. We’ll see how this goes.
Thanks Thursday, you done me good :)